Sunday, 30 September 2007

An announcement

The Monkey Army would like me to make a few things clear to anyone who may be thinking of invading.

1) The Monkey Army is a supreme combat force, made up of highly trained fighting machines. They can disarm any enemy. (They are especially fond of enemies who happen to be armed with chocolate biscuits.)

Just look at those daft little grins. Who could resist?

2) They are primed and ready to defend their territory at all times, and are always on the alert. (Except when they're busy having a cuppa and a nice sit down, which occurs quite often. And during Hollyoaks. They really like Hollyoaks.)

Watching and waiting.

3) There may only be five of them at the moment, but they are not afraid to call in back up. (***An aside: I don't know this man, but I like him because he makes me look completely sane and moderate by comparison. Don't you think?***)

So if you happen to be thinking of attacking, just ask yourself this first: do you really think you can beat these guys? Really? Oh, alright then - you probably can. But if you're coming, do you think you could at least bring some cake? An army isn't cheap to feed, you know.


Monkee Maker said...

No! How many freaking cups of tea did that guy drink?!

My forces are planning their strategy as we speak. Invasion is imminent. (They'll bring Battenberg)

And please. Never speak of Hollyoaks again. 6.30 every night - sheesh! I blame the teenagers. (.... and will Justin never get his come-uppance??)

trashalou said...

Too many monkeys made of knit. Must go and put the kettle on!

Nia said...

Awww, they're so sweet. And deadly, too- a winning combination!

Melissa said...

What's "Hollyoaks"? Bear in mind that we're still watching "As Time Goes By" on this side of the pond. Don't laugh.

Viv said...

Waah...they're soooo cuuuute. I *might* grab one of my own off the infamous bay of evil tonight - wish me luck for bidding. Come to think of it: Luck in general will also be appreciated. Just because.

Melissa McCarthy said...

I just found your blog and am blissfully reading (and laughing) out loud to my own 'T'other half.' Thanks for being so super funny! (and only somewhat normal, though certainly more normal than "the small guy who doesn't eat much") :0) Mel

lauren said...

just the thought that said invasion might result in watching even A LITTLE BIT of for me...the ultimate deterrent. your monkeys--and biscuits--are safe from me!